Growing Cold
for John
My hands are smaller than yours
and I can reach inside
between the engine
and its filter hose
to change the glow plugs.
You wish you could do it,
asking me, "what the hell's a glow plug?"
I tell you, calmly,
"it warms the fuel
before it gets to the engine,"
but I'm thinking,
it does more for this car than
you ever did for me.
You are helpless when
it comes to cars,
helpless when hearing
a woman's voice singing
behind the wheel. You sit quietly,
hands in your lap,
bite your lip, wish at least
I'd let you drive.
With dog in tow,
we make it all the way to Matagorda,
small fishing town,
so different from
the orange-skied city
we just left. You're surprised
my car made it.
I remind you, "I
was the one who fixed it,
remember?"
But I don't mean
to be cruel. Not really.
I play on the beach;
you swim out so far
I hardly see you.
We are where the sun
to safety before we become
clam-like. I am already clam-like
I decide I'll sleep in the car,
and fitfully, I do. You
swim again into the tide.
In the morning, I pick up
Venus clams and watch
as they burrow. I'm tired,
the dog wants to go home.
My car is covered now
in sand and salt,
though still functional.
I check the oil
before we go and put water
in the cooler. You are agitated—
I'm under the hood again.
You are behind the glove compartment,
waiting, staring
at the white hood of the car.
The dog jumps in before me,
and I put the key
in the ignition,
turn it to auxiliary.
You want to know why
we are just sitting here,
why not start the car?
I explain we are waiting
for the glow plug light to go off.
You say, "oh, that,"
and I wonder what you could
possibly have against glow plugs.